Plaisanteries, dalla rete#3/Schubert, Sinfonia Incompiuta

CORPORATE MENTALITY AT THE SYMPHONY

A corporation president was given a ticket for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony.  Since she was unable to go, she passed the ticket on to her first lieutenant.  The next morning the president asked him how he enjoyed it, and instead of receiving a few pleasant observations of the performance, she was handed a memorandum which read as follows:

1.  For a considerable time, the oboe players had nothing to do.  Their number should be reduced and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.

2.  All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut.  If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through the use of amplification.

3.  Much effort was involved in playing the sixteenth notes.  This seems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest eight note.  If this were done, it would be possible to use paraprofessionals instead of experienced musicians.

4.  No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings.  If all such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes.

5.  This symphony had two movements. If Schubert didn't achieve his musical goals by the end of the first movement, then he should have stopped there.  The second movement is unnecessary and should be cut.  In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Schubert given attention to these matters, he probably would have had time to finish the symphony.

Plaisanteries, dalla rete#2/Proiettando all’incontrario il film della vita...

I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become a baby.

The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then... You finish off as an orgasm!

Plaisanteries, dalla rete#1/Il mestolo: resta il fatto...

An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional." About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said: "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?" The priest said: "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young priest which read: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."